We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
