AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
