thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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