I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This baby is an asshole
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
