Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
