we have officially lost it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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