I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
