butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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