I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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