How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
