...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
