If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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