My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
