You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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