Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
