Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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