I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize