tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Send help, water and tortillas.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
