Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
