He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
