Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
