she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
