I must be too annoying 4 u.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
