Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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