Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
