let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
