um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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