We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
