Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize