When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
