Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
