we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
