He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize