Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
