is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
