I'm gonna have a badass scar
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
