you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
