none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
