Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
