how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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