Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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