Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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