Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you never un-have a 4some
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
