biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
