A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
