my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
