He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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