Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Randomize
