Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
