I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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