She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
