Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
well you can't waste a boner
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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