This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
