i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
