So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
