he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
