I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
