In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
