Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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