I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
