It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
