I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
