Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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