oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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