big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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