I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
