i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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