So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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