what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
