do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
