At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
